Ex marks the spot:

I tried to warm my hands over an old flame and got burnt. Yes, more than once. For years the heat from the smouldering embers of nostalgia kept me on the boil. Until one day my soul cried: "Enough, already!" And it was. I had justified the longing for my ex as a need for "closure" when, in truth, I still craved power over the prey that got away. What a relief it was to let it all go.

What compels us to dwell in make-believe worlds? Take Coco who can't let go of Dario. She's always embroiled in some sort of passionate drama with him. The way she takes both parts; batting arguments back and forth like a ping-pong ball, you'd never know Dario wasn't there; that he lives with somebody else and has done so for years. Coco never lets the facts gatecrash her fantasies. Hell, no. You go to her house and out come the photo-albums circa 1997 and statements like: "I don't know if we'll ever work things out."

An email from Janine says: "I had a relationship that lasted four years. During that time he cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. What confuses me is that he still tells me how much he loves me, even though he had the baby with this other woman and now lives with her. I'm still so into him. How do I get over him?"

Janine is preventing herself from meeting a better man because she is addicted to this loser. Like an addict you want the euphoria that being with him produced in the beginning. "He hurt me so only he can make me better," goes the skewed rationale. You keep hoping things will work out differently this time. They won't. Get off the downward spiral. Take your power back by seeing your ex for what he is: -- just another flawed human being with no more control over you than a used teabag

Huntresses suffered from love addiction until we understood that our needs had less to do with our ex and more to do with our own unresolved, emotional stuff. We learnt to own our feelings instead of attaching them to our ex.

Something on your mind? Write to Huntressa: Click here